Monday, February 19, 2007


Home at last.

Assalamu'alaikum wrh. wbt.

The flight was memorable, even if I didn't get any shut eye.

I am now in my new favourite house, Baitul Arden (Faiqah/Wafa'), with my favourite kind of music playing outside (raindrops touching the glossy roads).

I am too tired to be much of a writer.

So instead, I will put it some of Habiburrahman El- Shirazy's work here instead. He's the authour of the book an ukhti recommmended, called Ayat-Ayat Cinta. I've stalled from buying the book for quite some time now, but with the recommendation of Ustaz Azhar (and his special discount), I actually did.

And although I already knew the ending, thanks to some thorough browsing at bookstores, I still found it a gripping, intelligent page turner. The Da Vince Code, it most certainly is not.

Although it is rather hard to believe that such a pious yet romantic soul as Fahri exists in this world. But then again, the author DID write the book as the mahar for his bride.

Ah.

Here. Enjoy:

'Juga selama di Cairo, sampai Aisha membukakan purdahnya di rumah Syeikh Utsman. Kuakui ada satu nama yang membuatku selalu bergetar bila mendengarnya, namun tidak lebih dari itu. Aku merasa sebagai seekor pungguk dan seluruh mahasiswi Indonesia di Cairo adalah bulan. Aku tidak pernah berusaha merindukannya. Dan tak akan pernah kuizinkan diriku merindukannya. Kerana aku merasa itu sia-sia. Aku tidak mahu melakukan hal yang sia-sia dan membuang tenaga.

Aku lebih memilih mencurahkan seluruh rindu dendam, haru biru rindu dan deru cintaku untuk belajar dan mentelaah al-Quran. Telah kusumpahkan dalam diriku, aku tak akan membukakan hatiku untuk mencintai seorang gadis kecuali gadis itu yang membukanya. Bukan suatu keangkuhan tapi kerana rasa rendah diriku yang selalu bermain di kepala. Aku selalu ingat aku ini siapa? Anak petani miskin. Anak penjual tapai. Aku ini siapa?

aku adalah lumpur hitam

yang mendebu

menempel di sandal dan sepatu

hinggap di atas aspal

terguyur hujan

terpelanting

masuk longkang

siapa sudi memandang

atau menghulurkan tangan?

tanpa uluran tangan Tuhan

aku adalah lumpur hitam

yang malang

Tuhan telah mengucapkan kun! Lumpur hitam pun dijelma menjadi makhluk yang dianugerahi kenikmatan cinta yang memuncak-muncak dan rindu yang membuak-buak. Seorang bidadari bermata bening telah disiapkan untuknya. Fa bi ayyi allai Rabbikuma tukadziban! Maka nikmat Tuhan kamu yang manakah yang kamu dustakan.

Di dalam syurga-syurga itu ada bidadari-bidadari yang baik-baik lagi cantik-cantik.

Maka nikmat Tuhan kamu yang manakah yang kamu dustakan.

Bidadari-bidadari yang jelita, putih bersih dipingit di dalam rumah.

Maka nikmat Tuhan kamu yang manakh yang kamu dustakan.

(Surah ar-Rahman: 70-73)

P.S:- My dear BananaToffeeCheesecake, I hope you find the passage as inspiring as I do. Hugs!

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this has been a rant by Syazwina Saw at 1:19 am

0 comments

Wednesday, November 08, 2006


Do you remember?

Assalamualaikum wrh. wbt.

Have you ever gone to someone's blog, and felt that in order to communicate about something else to that person, you had to comment on one of his/her posts?

I think it's just common blog-tesy.

And I must admit, my comments are a tad long. Which is why if I find something interesting, I usually refrain from comment, unless I felt it incumbent on me to pour my heart out on the topic.

I was in school debates (not to mention private ones with my little brother), and though I wasn't a very good debater (I never made it past the preliminary round, mainly due to nerves and ill-preparation), it's in my blood, and I tend to stick too hard to my points.

Ah, Dale Carnegie. You've taught me something good, this past week. Thanks be to Allah.

But that's not the main topic I was going to go on about.

I was reading MLH's entry on the end of his pre-U, and it brought back memories of AUSMAT 16. I haven't had time to digest everything we've been through -- how much we all have come from way back then. Now I have, and I don't blame some of my friends for being defensive and so averse to change.

It's tough, admitting that you've lost touch with the people who once held claim on your heart . It's tough, admitting that promises once thought would last forever have crumbled in the desert brought along by this awful drought.

It's tough to not know anymore the people who once lived right next to you and shared your dreams, life, memories.

This is just a bit of what I wrote in the comment box, pending approval (I know it's a tad long-ish, but like I said, I'm awful at comments):

'Salaam.

I feel it incumbent upon me to comment about your post:

And so I would have to say that I felt the same. I was even, admittedly, tearful at the thought of leaving the 198 people who made up AUSMAT 16. I loved the lecturers. I loved the idiotic pranks we would get to. I love the fact that unlike high school and other colleges I know, there were no (visible) cliques in my preU, and that these people were all so different, yet so accepting of each other.

The people I knew were geared to succeed.

Back then I had a different scale of judgement, of course. My closest pals, I called my Pseudo-Family. We had ranks, and I was Ucu. We had 'family dinners' weekly, and I would incessantly bully my 'big brothers', and take full advantage of KakChik's immense level of tolerance and kindness.

The times have passed now, and the Pseudo-Family is, admittedly, all but defunct. Having changed so much ourselves, we no longer see much common ground that would make us want to RELATE.

Some people from AUSMAT choose to stay away from the past. Some people would say that I'm one of them.

I once said that I couldn't understand why people drank coffee, when there was earl grey right in front of them. Now I have a cafe-radar stuck right under my nose, and I am crazy for Aussie coffee.

I used to be one of those people who said "I will never forget you." Seems like I've broken my promise. It seems as if I don't even care. Truth is, I feel that I just forgot. Humans, insani - it's only natural to forget.

And so I read your article with a bit of nostalgia and a bit of cynicism. Because I think I'm living you and your friends' future.

We view the future through rose-tinted granny glasses, and forget that the truth is more painful, and that it comes in greys, not psychedelic technicolour.'


And another thing I forgot to mention that most times, we have to change. We should never be scared of it. 'Change makes the world go round'.

And oft times, it scared the heck out of us.

But it's only the natural order of things, the sunnatullah. The diff is, the way you deal with it.

Will you tolerate it, or pretend it never happened?

Won't you let change let you grow?

I will keep our memories intact. Hopefully, I won't forget that, insyaAllah.

"It's now time to make a change,
Just relax, take it easy
You're still young, that's your fault
There's so much you have to know.

Take your time
Think a lot
Think of everything you've got
For you may still be here tomorrow
But your dreams may not."

-Yusuf Islam's Father and Son-

Wassalamualaik.

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this has been a rant by Syazwina Saw at 10:18 am

2 comments

Sunday, October 22, 2006


Disconcerting farewells.

There were many tears shed tonight.

There was a tone of muffled sadness from the evening onwards.

Laughter and tears took centrestage by turns.

We bid premature farewells to well-loved people -- we pray for the safeguarding of their hearts, of their souls, of their nafs. We pray for their Love to withstand Time.

We bid a premature farewell to a cherished month -- and prayed that it should be Written in our fate that this beloved and us should meet once again, one day soon.

Tonight we prayed for strength in going back and facing the reality we forgot we left behind.
Tonight we prayed for Love to bind our hearts together in our journey for our Homeland.
Tonight we prayed for safe returns, strong hearts, stronger wills.
Tonight we prayed for the souls that were to leave soon with memories and love, both shared.
Tonight we prayed for hearts to remain -- for straightness of the path, and the might to stay on it.

Tonight we prayed the Rabitah. We recited it over and again.

'Fawathiqillah humma rabithotahaa
Wa adim wuddaha
Wahdi haa
Subulaha
Wam la a haa
Binuurika lazhi laa yahbu
Washrah
Suduu rahaa
Bi faidhil imaani bik.'

'Therefore strengthen, O Allah, these bonds,
Retain the love of these hearts on Your path,
Fill these hearts with the light of Your Rabbani which shall never fade,
Free these hearts with the overflowing of faith.'

Amin.

P.S:- Any corrections in the translation or the romanization must be duly noted to blogger. Jazaks.

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this has been a rant by Syazwina Saw at 12:27 am

0 comments

Saturday, October 21, 2006


Momentous first.

Assalamualaikum wrh. wbt.

I have yet to tell my mother this, but I hope she won't mind.
And far be it from me to rant about something as menial as my life growing up, but there you go.

Yesterday was definitely a great big first in terms of my life.
The day my mother has dreaded for so very long ("have you, or haven't you?") arrived.

It was the day my housemate discovered my first grey hair.

My mother has been so worried about the state of my head since I reached teenage-dom and became responsible for my own personal hygiene (which sort of defeated the purpose, but hey). She says that given my lack of fussiness over my personal appearance (true) and my genetic traits (the typically-Asian coarse hair -- unless you have the typically-Asian silky hair), I was predisposed to getting grey hairs really early in life.

And before last night, all pickings at my head for the elusive discoloured strand were fruitless.

Before last night.

We were at Munee Ponds, fulfilling the iftar invite from Miftahul Haq (yes, it is an actual entity! :P), and this was after solat and dinner, and I was browing the Net using the fabulous broadband connection in the house, when my housemate declared that she was going to pull my uban.

I went, "You sure or not?"

"Ye lah. It's sitting right there, tu."

Still disbelieving, I said, "Okay. Go ahead. But if it's not, I will so injure you."

And after a few quiet seconds, she plucked it out.

And true enough, from the root, down halfway of the strand, it was very much lacking in melanin.

Your first grey hair is a big thing.
It reminds you that you're growing older.
It reminds you of your own mortality -- that you will inevitably die.
Each and every day.
It reminds you that although you may not take note of it, Time is always chasing after you.

Just the night before, after terawih, Zakkiratul Qalb told us a hadith from Rasulullah [pbuh]:

"I have a pen, and Time has a pen.
My pen has black ink, and writes on white paper.
Time's pen has white ink, and write on dark heads."

And so I was pretty shaken by this.
Because even though I am oft-reminded of the fact,
I still live life as if I will not be dead next year.
Or by next month.
Or by next week.
Or by tomorrow.
Or even by the next moment.

Alhamdulillah, I'm not dead yet.

Amma ba'd,
I should count my blessings each second.
I should train my toungue to praise Allah more, and complain less.
I should use it to say greetings, and not ghibah (backbiting).

And I should not live as if I will not leave this world at any moment.
Because forever is subjective. And you start counting for it from this moment.
Now.
Now.
Now.

Allahu'alam bissawab.

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this has been a rant by Syazwina Saw at 12:09 pm

1 comments