Tuesday, May 29, 2007

nak cuti (aka i want a holiday) pt 3

Some of my friends are already on holiday overseas (2 months is not. Fair.).

Sema is leaving for Turkey right after exams.

Turkan is leaving for Turkey during summer.

Alev is leaving for Turkey in the winter of next year.

Papa wants me to go during summer, so that I will just go to Malaysia on the way back from.

Thus I hereby announce that travel companion selections have begun. One must be female, with sufficient money in the bank, free early this summer. With a good pair of sneakers, and a keen ear for tongues.

And yeah. If you've a good camera, that would help :)



this has been a rant by Syazwina Saw at 12:07 pm


Thursday, May 24, 2007

it's official

Today is the day. That day. D-Day.

The day it pretty much all comes to an end.

We've all had a good term together, alhamdulillah.

And forgive me for being a sap, but I loved working with those people.

And now we're all in the background.

Which is as things should be, this time around.

And today, I've realized that as much as I love to pick fights with some of them (ahem) and get poked by some of them (ehm) and shop with some of them (uhm) and discuss spirituality with some of them (cough) -

We've had a good time together. We've shared the same aims. Definitely the same Love. And I wish for them all the best in this world and the next, insyaAllah.

"You must be in it next year. Okay?"

"Haha. Because I'm fun to boss around?"

"Na. Because we all see in you something that you don't."


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this has been a rant by Syazwina Saw at 4:18 pm


Monday, May 21, 2007

because there is far too much to say

At the risk of sounding utterly philosophical (the ambiguity of which I scorn):

Some talk of methodology and adhere to it, fearing the unknown.

Some talk of keeping to constants, and scorn the outer core.

Some refrain from saying – they remain quiet but not quiescent.

Some find a way around with their socks firmly on; they do not compromise, nor do they blatantly agree.

Some sputter ideals into the polluted air but fail to retrieve them – to plant so they may grow.

Some prefer to analyze with bemusement and will get there when they can.

Some chase after things halfway, but earnestly concede defeat.

Some prefer to work uncomplainingly, letting the hurt fly in passivity.

Some hunch over with the burden of responsibility, remaining stoic and resistant – become bluntly passionate when provoked.

Some chase philosophies and mantra to repeat and digest and repeat, but into what fruition?

Some keep smiles on tired faces and prefer to follow the choppy seas.

Some are indignant and astute, but fall into the ordinary at the end of the day, their shield swallowed dry.

And I?

I take all this in, and follow the wind. Fate leads the way, and I am the active passenger.

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this has been a rant by Syazwina Saw at 3:02 pm


Tuesday, May 15, 2007

the road to affection

Does admiration = affection?

Dearest habibti Sema, self-elected matchmeddler, likes to think so. Because apparently you can't admire someone without such simple feelings leading to more exhausting ones (sigh).

Woman, if you're self-googling, take note: Give it up already.

To think of it, a lot of people I admire, I have come to love. I admire their principles and the way they carry themselves, but I believe that my ability to care for them was only slightly influenced by their virtues.

Because I happen to love a lot of people that I don't necessarily admire, or agree with.

And then there are some people that you REALLY don't agree with, but you admire their veracity all the same. It takes a lot of guts (and stubbornness) to be so principled, and if you love a person selectively, then you can admire one in the same way.

There are those who you may never be able to understand, but you end up loving wholeheartedly anyway. Take family, for instance. One of the more apparent truths that you don't have to like someone to love them (as my cousins may attest to in reference to me, the overall girjiksen)

My recent foray into the realm of Sisterhood has made me realize that love is a subjective thing; one that you may never totally understand, but you come to accept. The human heart is a wondrous thing to observe, and recent weeks have taught me that God owns our hearts, and shall make them feel however so He wishes.

Upon reflection, though, if admiration had nothing to do with affection, Islam would not stress that our Prophet was the one to 'perfect noble manners'. Looking back, I remember the first time I felt tremendous love for Rasulullah (pbuh) - and it was due to something he did (I can't remember what, he did so many fantastic things), not just the fact that he was the Messenger.

And so I suppose (in my case), admiration does help lead to affection. But not always so.

(Further and better reading must be recommended: Muhtar Holland's translation of Imam al-Ghazali's Ihya, The Duties of Brotherhood in Islam. Haven't gone past the translator's note, but it should explain a lot.)


this has been a rant by Syazwina Saw at 4:23 pm


Sunday, May 13, 2007

on the (radical middle) road to find out.

Ini patut dibaca.

Thank you.

Note: Ah. Technology has failed me. If you get the 'must log in' message, simply click 'In the Press', and go to The Christian Science Monitor article by Asma Khalid. Harap maklum.


this has been a rant by Syazwina Saw at 12:10 pm


Saturday, May 12, 2007

because this tribute is not fitting for al-qalam...

Our leader is calm and rational; a wise and deep old soul. He pulls the reigns whenever we stray too far off track, and he always has a steady head on his shoulders – for he always sees the storm in the distance, and the solution nearby. Few people can make others listen, and even fewer can make them stand in line. But this person pushes us to our best, while never being far behind.

His deputy is the everywhere man – because that’s where you’ll find him. Volunteering is like a hobby to this bloke, and when he is not around, we find ourselves a little lost. He is the Keeper of the Many Keys, Master of the Many Passwords, our little Yellow Pages. But he is playful and brotherly – firmly tongue-in-cheek with an innocent face, which only fools you now and then.

She is a whirlwind, which speeds past you and leaves you slightly breathless. Always on top of things, our sister organizes and sorts in her mind, and she holds your hand firmly when you test waters for the first time. Always supportive and sweet, she is passionate and sharp, and makes you wonder about the limits of selflessness.

She is quiet, but behind her serenity she hides a wicked sense of humour. She is steadfast and true, always knowing the right thing to do – she solves problems and sorts us all out in turns. This person shares her heart and mind with trust, and shows you by action just what sisterhood is all about. She is intelligent and astute; patient and kind.

He is a serious character – principled and impassioned when the occasion arises. His depth of ‘ilm serves to awe, and his diplomacy disarms you. Articulate and intelligent, he commands instant respect in all of his quiet modesty. He will tell you the truth when you ask for it, in the bluntest way. But one can seldom disagree.

She is a firecracker who sets things off with a loud bang, and never apologizes for it. Her pace is fast and furious; trying to keep up with her leaves a person breathless. She has confidence in the constitution of laughter, and there is never a dull moment when she is around. Even when she’s feeling blue, she never lets you get off doing so.

He is quiet and observant and pretty much new. Always there to help with an apologetic smile, he is now a part of us as any other. He is earnest and eager to help with anything, yet does it so diplomatically and with such patience. Watching him at work inspires kindness.

She is sweet and delicately maternal; caring and soothing in her own way. She always keeps her eye on us, knowing where to steer us when we get too ahead ourselves. Keeper of the Bank, she's right there when you need a quote. Just ask.

Our term together is almost over, and this past week, I’ve realized just how much I love them all. They are my brothers and sisters, and they will always be. In some ways, I feel like we’ve grown on each other. Symbiosis, I think it’s called. And I can’t imagine working with others in the same, united force we operate in. And it might sound odd, but I am certain that I will miss them, even when they are there.

Thank you for an awesome first term on the committee. Jazakumullahu khayran kathira.

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this has been a rant by Syazwina Saw at 7:44 pm


things that should remain in cupboards

There must be something written on my forehead.

Several Aussie sisters are keen on setting me up with a much-respected friend (a by-the-book Mr Darcy who is beyond my league, in all honesty); my best friend is trying her level best to persuade me towards a mutual acquaintance (I cannot afford lengthening my case against it by phone call); some girlfriends have questioned me over suitors, assuring me that they can arrange something with guys from any ethnicity (over which I vehemently opposed to); another girlfriend has asked me if there is anyone particular in mind.

I will not be the person to say the word out loud. Not when it relates to me. NO.

In the not-too-distant past, I did seriously consider marriage being part of a very near future. It wasn’t that long ago that I decided against dating, and now that it isn’t an option anymore, I do admit that the thought of matrimonial bliss being the solution to particular quandaries has crossed my mind more than once. Plus, I have a theory that getting married is contagious, and there is only so long before the thought of it starts to infect me, as well.

A brother who recently claimed that he would not marry until he gets his degree (in 14 years, by his calculations) went back on his word about a month back (mubaarak, akhi). A close friend is saving money for his walimah. A sorely missed sister has just given birth to Muhammad Fatih a couple of weeks back. My cousin just got through her engagement extravaganza. My housemate’s eldest sister is getting married in exactly two months. Every wedding I attend, the makciks claim that the next one they meet at will be mine.

So yes. The pressure is pretty intense.

However, just a week ago, I learnt of people I know who got married while studying (for very long degrees), and when they had children, having to send the kids back home to Malaysia, while they finished their degree.

In my opinion, there are few things sadder than that.

In one instance, the mother had to leave her child with his grandmother, and when she came back, her baby could no longer recognize her.

It’s stories like these that warn me against such impulsive matchmaking. Stories that tell me that there is more to marriage than emotions and ideals – that it involves reality, which is seldom predictable, and full of compromises. It’s more than just sharing the same ideals and principles (ahem, Arveena, you should listen to this), and more than just about two people living together in legal terms (although that would be problem enough already).

I won’t even pretend to know what the underlying issues in marriages are. Just that they’re plenty, and that until that horribly fine day (if it ever) comes, I am very grateful that I do not have to deal with it yet. Because for now, my weekend plans involve my habibis, and frankly, I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Besides. Which poor guy would want to torture himself by committing to ME, anyway? Hah.

Okay. You may stop rolling on the floor with laughter now.


this has been a rant by Syazwina Saw at 7:27 pm


Thursday, May 10, 2007

nak cuti, pt ii




Yes, Turkey. I want to go.

I have the dough, maybe, if I make my money work for me.

I've been told that if a person were to go travelling, this would be the time, when one has the money and the time and the lack of responsibility (haha) and the student card for discounts.

I have an invitation from a beloved habeeb who's going to balik kampung. But she's going on a tour with family, and I don't want to intrude.

I have to get jabs.

I'm learning the lang. "Sama chakagim, tammim?"

But I don't want to travel alone.

I think my parents are cool with it.

So maybe summer.

As for this winter, another habeeb is planning a skiing getaway. Mount Buller?

Mount Buller.



this has been a rant by Syazwina Saw at 9:56 pm


Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Nak cuti.

Assalamua'alaikum wrh. wbt.

Talking with my Turkish sisters has made me weary of Melbourne. I have been for some time. I have felt this very real, very pressing need to run. Away.

Ms. Chef is going to have her hands full with her guests. Nunu is leaving for LITW and her sister's wedding.

I want to go to Turkey. Travel, learn a new language, get jabs, all that jazz.

It's all in planning. I have no idea how I'm going to get there. I should start planning soon. I should get contacts. I should warn my parents.

It's either that, or go for the Leadership Training (if by some long shot, I get it).

But I need to run away. Distance, I've been told, puts perspective on things.

And second option would be New Zealand. I have a thing for mountains and snow.

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this has been a rant by Syazwina Saw at 4:44 pm


Sunday, May 06, 2007

Kerana rindu itu semalam

Rinduku dahulu pada pungguk

Yang rindukan bulan pula

Yang indah semesta pada purnama

Cahayanya melitupi maya

Serta aku, yang merindu sendiri.

Bulan lebih layak memiliki rindu itu

Kerana hadirnya rindu itu tidak dicari

Tidak ditempah separuh mati.

Kini rinduku pada bebintang pula

Yang datang pergi, datang pergi

Tidak tentu rasa atau masa

Kerana bintang itu tentunya akan mati

Mengusir pergi zulumat yang dibisik

Dan aku rela melepaskan lalu.

Kini rinduku itu, aku sedar

Tentunya bukan milik aku

Kerana hadir dengan taqdir

Dan sapanya dengan ujian

Maka serahkan saja rindu itu kepada

Kasih yang pasti.

Kerana pada akhirnya juga

Tidur yang lama sudah menunggu mimpimu

Yang berakar saraf di bumi

Tempat lahir dan tempat kembali.

Pena sudah lama terhenti

Maka ikuti saja kisahnya

Hingga tamat cerita.

*Belatedly discovered, and nice to listen to:


this has been a rant by Syazwina Saw at 11:43 am

Thursday, May 03, 2007

"I want the old awin back"

So here we are.

Over twenty.
Healthy (if slightly hungry).

At this point in time, with 13 hours before a test and 16 hours before the case analysis is due, I think that counting my blessings is best.

I'm sorry Banoffee. The old Awin is trying to bounce back up. It's just that she's doing so many things she loves, and it just so happens that right now, they all collide. But the new Awin, insyaAllah, will no longer hide under tables.

Or at least, I will promise to try.



this has been a rant by Syazwina Saw at 1:36 am