Sunday, October 29, 2006
Metamorphosis.
How much I have changed in these past few months
And now I await the days with a mixture of measured countenance and incalculable trepidation
Until I meet them face-to-face, mano-a-mano
Once again.
Because I fear of being unrecognizable
My thoughts and principles altered immeasurably
So much so that I doubt fingers could be pointed any which way
I am scared
I admit that.
I am afraid of changing
To who I once was, almost overnight
Because that would deny me everything I have learnt
Everything I now know and hold true
Everything that makes up
The me I live with today
I feel comfortable knowing her
Because I know she’s headed somewhere
Maybe she’s doing so slowly, but she knows where she’s going
She’s getting there
Her heart is eyeing the Destination, she feels –
I feel, I mean.
And so
When you see me
And you don’t know me
(Anymore)
Remember who I was
Cherish it in memory, if you must
But know that who I am now is who I want to be
That it was never forced onto me
But instead I forced, ploughed, pushed my way through
To be who I am
This person you now see
The person you do not know
(Yet).
The person who will not willingly follow the crowd
The person who will ask questions in manifold
The person who will look different, dress different, talk different
And might even stop in her walking tracks to smile a bemused grin to herself
Every now and then
Which may irritate you
You must be forewarned.
And so I admit it –
I am scared to go home a changed person
Like a butterfly out of its little mystifying, plain (maybe even ugly)
Coccoon
Yet looking back, I do not see my life as a caterpillar
But I remember my metamorphosis with fondness
And if I will live with these wings for the rest of my life
Then live
I will.
Labels: homesickness, poetry
this has been a rant by Syazwina Saw at 12:53 pm
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