Thursday, October 04, 2007


broken fallacies and brutal honesty

Something about the quiet pain in Lior’s Bedouin Song as he cries, ‘Heading East/Turning into calm seas/Like a river release’ has made me homesick. Amidst the sudden bout of patriotism my countrymen have been struck with lately (what with Merdeka flag-waving and all), and the frequent calls from home (often made in a spur of the moment by my empty-nested parents) have got me thinking a lot more about home. I know that a bare few months ago, I had doubted being able to fit in back home, in Malaysia. I never had. Maybe never will.

But something Lubna said in reply to my soliloquy struck me as true – that I have to return home, at some point, if I expect people like me to ever feel like they belong.

Ah. A few months ago I thought I was so worldly-wise, hypocrite that I am. It was all about comfort and belonging and finding that little niche I could fit in, like repressor proteins in the transcription factors of an eukaryotic gene regulation system. It was about relinquishing responsibility. It was about being able to stay in a far corner of this small, small planet and wipe my hands off the whole mess and say, “Not my problem anymore.” And being content to relegate myself to the egotistical role of distant analyst.

I once told a friend (who was formerly an acquaintance) that criticism was easy. Too true. It gives one the fallacy of feeling as if something has been done, despite the fact that even when those words are oft-repeated, they are nothing without action.

And I am that hypocrite, in the annoyingly selfish way that I talk, and that my brain accepts it as already settling whatever issue I had a problem with. And it is also annoyingly selfish the way I say things, and then I do not do them. Subconscious self-damnation, if you will.

"O you who believe! why do you say that which you do not do? It is most hateful to Allah that you should say that which you do not do." (64:2-3)

When someone I love dearly told me, in what medium as may be called the epistle of brutal honesty, of these very flaws, I was, as Australian colloquialism put it, cut. I was hurt. I wouldn’t say righteously hurt, but I felt like I had been peeled raw. Because I don’t think many things chill you or shake your core as much as seeing things you’ve only suspected of yourself, pointed outright as fact. It’s distressing, because who likes to be shaken off one’s personal pedestal, especially in a time when self-confidence is an endangered species?

And so, in this cut, self-indignant cloud of emotion, I went about the rest of the noon. Slightly more determined, because nothing spurs one on like being proven small. On my way, I bumped into another loved one, who, upon seeing me in a state other than cheerful, thought that my father had gotten run over by a car (or something). And when I confessed to her the source of my distress, I could see that she was slightly torn between laughing out of relief and being a comforting friend.

I love it when someone else makes my quibbles less significant that my ego says they are.

And when I was about town, doing my own chores and still enveloped in my force field of misery, I was halted by a girl in a walker. Her legs were limp and unassisting, as she pressed onto the shaking metal frame at hip-length and dragged her feet forward to move. Her father lagged behind, his eyes keeping watch at her feet, hoping to catch her before she stumbles. Her mother moved ahead, blowing her semblance of nonchalance by the regular glance back.

I love it when God reassures that my quibbles are less significant than I think they are.

After seeing that wonderful resilience, I couldn’t be cut anymore. Not barely.

And so, there you go. I am a hypocrite. And yes, although I barely acknowledge it in my subconscious, it still hurts when someone says I am.

But things need to be said. And words are not the end of the world.

It took a metal walker and a heart of gold to prove it to me.

"Nay! you prefer the life of this world, While the hereafter is better and more lasting." (87:16-17)

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this has been a rant by Syazwina Saw at 12:32 pm

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Sunday, September 23, 2007


Tag, you're it.

The title I'm using seems strikingly eerie, as are many things I've been doing thoughtlessly. Nurin's tragedy shook me - it was the first time, in a long time, that I have been honestly affected by news. I wouldn't have thought that the abandoned girl was her, and I was still holding out hope that it wasn't, until her family finally relented and claimed her from the mortuary. That was the first time I, the aspiring geneticist, refused faith in the exact science of DNA (I was holding out for that 1/1,000,000 error to pull through).

Talking to my mother after iftar and taraweeh last night, she put the Malaysian situation so simply, it had to be true:

"The whole country is in grief."

This was supposed to be a post in response to Lubna's tagging me. But on second thought.

Maybe when the pain is less raw, and her eyes don't haunt my waking hours any more.

Al-Fatihah. May Allah place her in the Garden, where she will no longer remember pain and suffering. Amin.

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this has been a rant by Syazwina Saw at 11:42 pm

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Friday, March 30, 2007


Keep up.

This article got me thinking:

'FIQH AWLAWIYYAT : ANTARA GERAKAN ISLAM DAN KELOMPOK MANUSIA

Di kalangan manusia itu terbahagi kepada beberapa bentuk, iaitu seperti berikut;

a. Golongan nususi (tekstual)

Golongan ini adalah golongan yang tidak pernah melihat kepada maqasid hukum yang sehinggakan mereka mahu menyampaikan Islam tidak mengikut kepentingan awlawiyyat.

Kebiasaannya, golongan ini mendakwa bahawa mereka adalah golongan yang berpegang kuat dengan Al-Quran dan As-Sunnah, tanpa merujuk kepada pemahaman “Istidlal” atau pengambilan hukum yang betul.

Maka dengan demikian, mereka mengemukakan pandangan-pandangan yang tidak “bercaknakan” Fiqh Awlawiyyat, sehingakan kadangkala merugikan kepada kemenangan islam, seperti menimbulkan isu-isu khilafiyyah dan menyembunyikan isu-isu utama, seperti kenaikan harga tol yang bercanggah dengan Islam[11], kenaikan harga barang, “mengkondem” institusi-institusi agama yang tidak sehaluan dengan mereka, membuat tuduhan jahat terhadap gerakan Islam dan sebagainya.

b. Golongan Liberal

Golongan ini pula adalah golongan yang dikenali sebagai “muktazilah moden” yang sedang kuat menyerang agama dan umat Islam di seluruh dunia.

Golongan ini hanya mengambil pemahaman Al-Quran dan As-Sunnah berdasarkan kepada kehendak hawa nafsu semata-mata. Mereka juga kadangkala berhujjah dengan menggunakan kaedah Fiqh Awlawiyyat, tetapi penggunaan fiqh Awlawiyyat tersebut lebih kepada kehendak hawa nafsu, tanpa di asaskan kepada wahyu Ilahi.

Sesuatu kandungan nas Al-Quran dan As-Sunnah yang tidak bersesuaian dengan nafsu mereka, mereka tidak menerimanya, ataupun mereka mewujudkan penta’wilan-penta’wilan terhadap maksud nas-nas syarak tersebut dengan tujuan untuk menguntungkan kehendak hawa nafsu.

Tindakan mereka ini adalah “ciplak” dari tindakan yahudi terdahulu yang telah dinyatakan oleh Allah didalam Al-Quran.

Firman Allah;

أَفَتُؤْمِنُونَ بِبَعْضِ الْكِتَابِ وَتَكْفُرُونَ بِبَعْضٍ فَمَا جَزَاءُ مَنْ يَفْعَلُ ذَلِكَ مِنْكُمْ إِلَّا خِزْيٌ فِي الْحَيَاةِ الدُّنْيَا وَيَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ يُرَدُّونَ إِلَى أَشَدِّ الْعَذَابِ وَمَا اللَّهُ بِغَافِلٍ عَمَّا تَعْمَلُونَ

Maksudnya;
“Apakah kamu beriman kepada sebahagian Al Kitab (Taurat) dan ingkar terhadap sebahagian yang lain? Tiadalah balasan bagi orang yang berbuat demikian daripadamu, melainkan kenistaan dalam kehidupan dunia, dan pada hari kiamat mereka dikembalikan kepada siksa yang sangat berat. Allah tidak lengah dari apa yang kamu perbuat”

(surah Al-Baqarah : 85)

c. Golongan kesederhanaan

Golongan ini adalah golongan yang dinyatakan oleh Allah “umat yang pertengahan”, iaitu golongan yang mencari keadilan melalui pemahaman nas Al-Quran dan Al-Hadis.

Firman Allah;

وَكَذَلِكَ جَعَلْنَاكُمْ أُمَّةً وَسَطًا لِتَكُونُوا شُهَدَاءَ عَلَى النَّاسِ وَيَكُونَ الرَّسُولُ عَلَيْكُمْ شَهِيدًا

Maksudnya;
“Dan demikian (pula) Kami telah menjadikan kamu (umat Islam), umat yang yang pertengahan – adil- dan pilihan agar kamu menjadi saksi atas (perbuatan) manusia dan agar Rasul (Muhammad) menjadi saksi atas (perbuatan) kamu”

(Surah Al-Baqarah : 143)

Menurut Imam Fakhruddin ar-Razi, makna “umat yang petengahan” yang terpilih adalah umat yang pertengahan dalam semua urusan[12]. Iaitu umat yang mengambil Al-Quran dan As-Sunnah sebagai asas perjuangan, disamping “cakna” kepada tuntutan fiqh awlawiyyat.

Gerakan Islam yang berjaya adalah gerakan Islam yang berada dibawah pengkategorian “golongan kesederhanaan” ini, yang menjadikan wahyu sebagai dasar perjuangan, disamping fiqh awlawiyyat dijadikan sebagai “teknik-teknik” dalam menyampaikan kehendak wahyu.

AGENDA PERIBADI DAN AGENDA JEMAAH

Mementingkan “agenda peribadi” berbanding “agenda jemaah” sentiasa menjadi bahan “polimik” dikalangan ahli jemaah yang menyebabkan jemaah islam lambat mencapai kejayaan dakwah islamiyyah.

Bandingannya adalah kenyataan Allah didalam surah At-taubah ayat 19-20 yang menyatakan bahawa amalan berjihad lebih utama berbanding menunaikan haji di Makkah.

Firman Allah;

أَجَعَلْتُمْ سِقَايَةَ الْحَاجِّ وَعِمَارَةَ الْمَسْجِدِ الْحَرَامِ كَمَنْ آَمَنَ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآَخِرِ وَجَاهَدَ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ لَا يَسْتَوُونَ عِنْدَ اللَّهِ وَاللَّهُ لَا يَهْدِي الْقَوْمَ الظَّالِمِينَ * الَّذِينَ آَمَنُوا وَهَاجَرُوا وَجَاهَدُوا فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ بِأَمْوَالِهِمْ وَأَنْفُسِهِمْ أَعْظَمُ دَرَجَةً عِنْدَ اللَّهِ وَأُولَئِكَ هُمُ الْفَائِزُونَ

Maksudnya;
“Apakah (orang-orang) yang memberi minuman orang-orang yang mengerjakan haji dan mengurus Masjidilharam kamu samakan dengan orang-orang yang beriman kepada Allah dan hari kemudian serta bejihad di jalan Allah? Mereka tidak sama di sisi Allah; dan Allah tidak memberi petunjuk kepada kaum yang zalim * orang-orang yang beriman dan berhijrah serta berjihad di jalan Allah dengan harta, benda dan diri mereka, adalah lebih tinggi derajatnya di sisi Allah; dan itulah orang-orang yang mendapat kemenangan.”

(surah At-Taubah : 19-20)

Ayat ini membuktikan bahawa amalan jihad fi sabilillah itu lebih di utamakan berbanding haji di Makkah, ini kerana, manfaat jihad itu untuk manusia ramai. Adapun haji pula, ianya sekadar manfaat diri individu yang pergi Haji sahaja.

Juga hadis yang di nyatakan oleh Rasulullah SAW;

عَنْ أَبِي أُمَامَةَ الْبَاهِلِيِّ قَالَ ذُكِرَ لِرَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ رَجُلَانِ أَحَدُهُمَا عَابِدٌ وَالْآخَرُ عَالِمٌ فَقَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَضْلُ الْعَالِمِ عَلَى الْعَابِدِ كَفَضْلِي عَلَى أَدْنَاكُمْ ثُمَّ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ إِنَّ اللَّهَ وَمَلَائِكَتَهُ وَأَهْلَ السَّمَوَاتِ وَالْأَرَضِينَ حَتَّى النَّمْلَةَ فِي جُحْرِهَا وَحَتَّى الْحُوتَ لَيُصَلُّونَ عَلَى مُعَلِّمِ النَّاسِ الْخَيْرَ

Maksudnya;
“Daripada Abi Umamah Al-Bahili berkata; di sebut kepada Rasulullah SAW berkenaan dua orang lelaki, salah seorangnya seorang yang ‘Abid (ahli Ibadat), dan satu lagi seorang yang ‘Alim (Ahl Ilmu). Berkata Rasulullah SAW; kelebihan ‘Alim berbanding ‘Abid adalah seperti kelebihanku atas manusia yang paling rendah dikalangan kamu, kemudian Rasulullah SAW bersabda : sesungguhnya Allah, Malaikat-Nya, Ahl Langit dan Bumi hinggakan semut di atas batu dan ikan-ikan - dilautan - berselawat kepada sesiapa yang mengajar manusia dengan kebaikan[13]”

Hadis ini menyatakan bagaimana kelebihan yang ada pada seorang yang ‘Alim berbanding seorang yang ‘Abid. Seorang yang ‘Alim, mempunyai ilmu yang dapat disampaikan kepada manusia. Adapun seorang yang ‘Abid, ibadatnya sekadar memberi keuntungan kepada dirinya, tidak kepada manusia ramai.'

I have, admittedly, been whingeing on and on about my new daily dependence on coffee (which has made my pharmacy-student housemate worried enough to look it up) and how I've hardly had time to breathe. I've been going on and on about how my newfound experience of keeping busy has been taking its toll on me.

The question I think I've failed to ask is: Should it be this way?

Which is why I'm very grateful for this current bit of being able to chill. Time away from the rest of the world can actually give you time to keep up; to relax and breathe a bit. To think things through, and try to let your mind give its reasoning under no pressure.

In my case, I've been re-thinking my niyyah, my intention, a lot. In everything I do. Because my heart has not seeked time to rest in a long while, and I'm worried.

Maybe I've been going through life as though I'm the victim. Maybe I've been too calculative, too selfish, taking offense at everything and thinking it's all about me, me, me.

While reality does not agree.

Going through one_g's article yesterday made me rethink things for the first time in a while. It was not the first time I had read about the topic. But the bit about the difference of an 'alim and an 'abid hit me hard, especially I had just seen it before in Aisha's copy of 'Al-Hikam'.

Has my intention thus far been for the better good of those around me, or merely for my own sake?

Maybe that explains my heart's restlessness and lack of focus. In theory, it shouldn't be this way. I've seen busier people (see: UMIS, FAMSY, MSA, YMA, MCCA). I know busier people, and they seem fine enough to me.

They don't seem torn at all.

I've been telling people, if your heart feel unease, remember that Allah loves you in ways you can't even imagine.

Maybe I've forgotten to heed my own advise for a while. It's far time I did.




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this has been a rant by Syazwina Saw at 3:35 pm

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