Saturday, October 21, 2006


Momentous first.

Assalamualaikum wrh. wbt.

I have yet to tell my mother this, but I hope she won't mind.
And far be it from me to rant about something as menial as my life growing up, but there you go.

Yesterday was definitely a great big first in terms of my life.
The day my mother has dreaded for so very long ("have you, or haven't you?") arrived.

It was the day my housemate discovered my first grey hair.

My mother has been so worried about the state of my head since I reached teenage-dom and became responsible for my own personal hygiene (which sort of defeated the purpose, but hey). She says that given my lack of fussiness over my personal appearance (true) and my genetic traits (the typically-Asian coarse hair -- unless you have the typically-Asian silky hair), I was predisposed to getting grey hairs really early in life.

And before last night, all pickings at my head for the elusive discoloured strand were fruitless.

Before last night.

We were at Munee Ponds, fulfilling the iftar invite from Miftahul Haq (yes, it is an actual entity! :P), and this was after solat and dinner, and I was browing the Net using the fabulous broadband connection in the house, when my housemate declared that she was going to pull my uban.

I went, "You sure or not?"

"Ye lah. It's sitting right there, tu."

Still disbelieving, I said, "Okay. Go ahead. But if it's not, I will so injure you."

And after a few quiet seconds, she plucked it out.

And true enough, from the root, down halfway of the strand, it was very much lacking in melanin.

Your first grey hair is a big thing.
It reminds you that you're growing older.
It reminds you of your own mortality -- that you will inevitably die.
Each and every day.
It reminds you that although you may not take note of it, Time is always chasing after you.

Just the night before, after terawih, Zakkiratul Qalb told us a hadith from Rasulullah [pbuh]:

"I have a pen, and Time has a pen.
My pen has black ink, and writes on white paper.
Time's pen has white ink, and write on dark heads."

And so I was pretty shaken by this.
Because even though I am oft-reminded of the fact,
I still live life as if I will not be dead next year.
Or by next month.
Or by next week.
Or by tomorrow.
Or even by the next moment.

Alhamdulillah, I'm not dead yet.

Amma ba'd,
I should count my blessings each second.
I should train my toungue to praise Allah more, and complain less.
I should use it to say greetings, and not ghibah (backbiting).

And I should not live as if I will not leave this world at any moment.
Because forever is subjective. And you start counting for it from this moment.
Now.
Now.
Now.

Allahu'alam bissawab.

Labels: ,

this has been a rant by Syazwina Saw at 12:09 pm

1 comments