Saturday, May 12, 2007


things that should remain in cupboards

There must be something written on my forehead.

Several Aussie sisters are keen on setting me up with a much-respected friend (a by-the-book Mr Darcy who is beyond my league, in all honesty); my best friend is trying her level best to persuade me towards a mutual acquaintance (I cannot afford lengthening my case against it by phone call); some girlfriends have questioned me over suitors, assuring me that they can arrange something with guys from any ethnicity (over which I vehemently opposed to); another girlfriend has asked me if there is anyone particular in mind.

I will not be the person to say the word out loud. Not when it relates to me. NO.

In the not-too-distant past, I did seriously consider marriage being part of a very near future. It wasn’t that long ago that I decided against dating, and now that it isn’t an option anymore, I do admit that the thought of matrimonial bliss being the solution to particular quandaries has crossed my mind more than once. Plus, I have a theory that getting married is contagious, and there is only so long before the thought of it starts to infect me, as well.

A brother who recently claimed that he would not marry until he gets his degree (in 14 years, by his calculations) went back on his word about a month back (mubaarak, akhi). A close friend is saving money for his walimah. A sorely missed sister has just given birth to Muhammad Fatih a couple of weeks back. My cousin just got through her engagement extravaganza. My housemate’s eldest sister is getting married in exactly two months. Every wedding I attend, the makciks claim that the next one they meet at will be mine.

So yes. The pressure is pretty intense.

However, just a week ago, I learnt of people I know who got married while studying (for very long degrees), and when they had children, having to send the kids back home to Malaysia, while they finished their degree.

In my opinion, there are few things sadder than that.

In one instance, the mother had to leave her child with his grandmother, and when she came back, her baby could no longer recognize her.

It’s stories like these that warn me against such impulsive matchmaking. Stories that tell me that there is more to marriage than emotions and ideals – that it involves reality, which is seldom predictable, and full of compromises. It’s more than just sharing the same ideals and principles (ahem, Arveena, you should listen to this), and more than just about two people living together in legal terms (although that would be problem enough already).

I won’t even pretend to know what the underlying issues in marriages are. Just that they’re plenty, and that until that horribly fine day (if it ever) comes, I am very grateful that I do not have to deal with it yet. Because for now, my weekend plans involve my habibis, and frankly, I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Besides. Which poor guy would want to torture himself by committing to ME, anyway? Hah.

Okay. You may stop rolling on the floor with laughter now.

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this has been a rant by Syazwina Saw at 7:27 pm

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