Saturday, December 16, 2006


Isnim bina, wa nu'min sa'ah.

Sometimes.

I feel as if little time has passed between before and after Melbourne.

And then a nagging feeling strikes me between the lungs and asks me:
"Have you forgotten everything you went through in Melbourne?"

And every time someone asks me about how it's like, studying overseas,
I wonder if I have.

The things I do seem to suggest that.

Have I tripped at the first step, yet again?

Sometimes I stop to think. I falter at the thought of nixing my principles.
It's hard to be the bearer of change.
It's hard to tell people that something is wrong --
Not by you, but by God.

The thought unnerves me.
What scares me more is conforming to what I feel is wrong, merely because I feel like I cannot overpower culture, not on my own.

And when I see what goes on around me, it catches me by the throat that all I can do is just criticize it in my heart.

I do not agree.

I am so worried that I act as if I have never undergone change.

For now it often strikes me that I do not act like an example should.

So maybe this is a cry for a little help.

Please.

(Missing the bi'ah)

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this has been a rant by Syazwina Saw at 9:49 pm

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