Saturday, July 15, 2006


Ever onwards.

Assalamualaikum wrh. wbt.

It's been a while, has it not?

Sometimes I wonder where all the time has been spent - where all the hours fly to, and whether I have spent them wisely. To use a quote from the movie extravaganza last night, Lawrence of Arabia: 'It has been written.' Every step I take, and every intention I have had been decided for me before I came into existance. And somehow, it shames me how I never seem to remember.

My mother reached Malaysia safely last night. She spent 10 full days with me, and it was fun. Now that she's not here, chatting with my housemates or telling me to observe as she cooked, the house seems a lot emptier. I'm not exactly sure what I want to do today. The past week and a half had been jam-packed with outings and cooking and shopping. I have never had such a tiring week. It's odd, you know. I discovered more about Melbourne because my mother forced me to. And again, it comes down to just how much influence she has over my life. It took me 10 days of living next to her to be reminded of it.

If I used to whine about having to do everything my mother asked me to last year, now I really miss it.

I've been in the habit of viewing everything that happens to me as mini-lessons from God. Considering how many I've learnt with my mother by my side, it's sort of apparent that Allah really, really loves me, to want me to learn so much. It's shameful to me, because I know that I can never requite such a great Love, no matter how I try.

So here it is in list form:

The Things I've Learnt From/With My Mother

  1. No matter how much I think I know or I've learnt here, it turns out that my mother has learnt it earlier, and understands it better than either one of us here. The things I find new and mind-blowing are all too easy and too familiar to my mother. So I need not worry about the danger of communicating anything anymore to her, because she clearly understands, and even approves of how we live here. Which shows just how much I have to learn from her. Hm.
  2. I have to switch on the heater for the next few weeks, or my bones will shrivel into nothingness, and I will have the posture of a shruken possum.
  3. I should not walk this earth as if it will not, or cannot swallow me whole any second. Humility is key.
  4. Everything in moderation. Islam requires us to be considerate of other people no matter what we do. Tolerance is another key. :)
  5. Mama gets along with my friends better than I do.
  6. Knitted scarves, beanies and flecce blankets are wonderful things~!
  7. I have to put myself first, or put myself last, according to the situation.
  8. I have to be more conscious of where I am, what I do, and the things I say, because life is no dream. I cannot drift off or angau every other second. I must always be in a state of ehsan - aware that Allah is Ever Watching.
  9. I have to start planning my life la wey.
  10. If I don't do my best, and strive to better myself while I am here, I will be wasting the hopes, dreams and effort my parents and the rest of my family have invested in watching me from a distance. Aja~!
  11. It's okay to not bathe in the mornings once in a while, especially when it's been raining for hours outside and the temperate is below ten degrees. Tak peluh pun~.
  12. Everything has to be done for the Love of Allah. Otherwise, it is meaningless.

Wallahu'alam bissawab.

Wassalamualaikum.

this has been a rant by Syazwina Saw at 11:39 am

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