Assalamualaikum wrh. wbt.
Now that I know just how awful a promise-keeper I am, and what Islam says about people who don’t keep promises (hypocrites damned by humans and scorned by God – the munafiq), I’d like to keep my promise on a previous post and actually sit down and write that oh-so-important topic: ‘Characteristics of the Perfect Guy’.
Already, I see Syamir’s eyes go wide as he struggles to control his hysterical laughter (too much laughter is also not good for the heart, brother dear), and several other male acquaintances look puzzled/concerned/scared. ‘Eh, dia ni serious ke? Cari nahas apa?’
Hoho. Since Sheera didn’t tag me as per request (harrumph), I’ve just decided to ‘borrow’ the tag anyway. Which is:
"The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points about his/her perfect lover.>>-Have to mention the gender of his/her perfect lover.>>-Tag eight other victims to join this game and leave a comment on their blog.>>-If you are tagged the second time. There is NO need to do this again.>>-Lastly, most importantly, HAVE FUN DOING IT. "
Heh. I agree wholeheartedly, Doro-kins. ‘Lover’ is too scary a word. I, too, would rather describe the criteria for the ideal life partner (*do note my refrain from using the word ‘my’, which I will explain later*).
Hm. Borrowing a leaf from a several of the Prophet’s (pbuh) sayings, the ideal characteristics (to me) would have to be:
1. Beriman
2. Religious i.e. love God and His Apostle more than anything or anyone else in this world and the next
3. Got faith lah.
Now. I suppose I’d have to explain why I repeated the same criterion three times in a row. And the argument goes as follows:
Someone who loves Allah and the Prophet (pbuh) with all of his heart would undoubtedly follow the rules and advice stated in the Quran and hadith, and heed its warnings , and commit to the sunnah. He would do all this, merely for his love (roja’) and fear (khauf) in Allah. Once he has achieved this stage, the person he chooses to be wife need not worry about how he will treat her or her parents, or whether they would share the same interests or not, because a person who marries for the sake of God (fillah) would undoubtedly:
a) respect his wife and their differences in thought and opinion
b) correct her mistakes, attend to her noticeable flaws and remind her of any discrepancies in behaviour
c) do all that is in his power to please her and her family
d) be gentle and kind to her
e) always be fair to her
f) strive to better himself in order to be worthy of her
g) never allow love for her to impede his better judgment
h) never cheat on her, or allow anything suspect in their relationship
i) want to be a father
j) want to be a provider
k) want to lead her on the straight path with him
I should state that I write all this not based on my personal experience, neither is this an advertisement. I have never married, am actually very scared of it, and probably won’t approach the subject again. I choose to use the word ‘life partner’ (i.e. after marriage), because I don’t believe in boyfriends, or dating before marriage. I see no point in ‘playing the field’ or investing hopes and dreams in a person who is not guaranteed to be yours, and is of no right to receive your affections anyway.
In fact, I stated the characteristics of a person who marries for the sake of God, purely through my own deduction, and through the observation and account of several seniors I know who are married. One senior I know barely knew her husband before they married, and yet she is now the happiest of souls, and highly recommends marriage to all of us young ‘uns. Aiyoh.
When I compare the people I know who married a woman based on her reputation as a person of good heart and a steady mind, to the people who married after months or years of steady dating, I find those in the former category to be the happiest. By observing how couples in each category interacted, I noticed all the above traits. Which has led me to the conclusion that if all marriages and relationships were to be made Islamically, there would be no conflicts of heart, and thus, no feasible plots for Korean dramas (except among the likes of Goong and Full House, both of which deal with ‘contract marriages’ and revolve around for the married ones fall for each other gradually – which is so sweet!).
And the world would be a much quieter, and less heart-breaking place. If only.
And so, I suppose the criteria that I’ve stressed upon today are not specifically mine, i.e. does not necessarily reflect the ideals that my future life-partner should have (Note: I shudder at the thought of marriage, and yet am not averse to it – isn’t that weird?). Rather, they are characteristics as stated in the Quran, and stressed upon by the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), and are the ideal characteristics, once you really think about it. Again, proof that Islam is the solution to all our problems, and is all-encompassing.
Wow.
Quite honestly, it has struck me that I no longer have any traits that I hold on to as being that of the perfect guy for me. I am not even sure I ever had. Even when I had crushes on people, when I was still immature and thoughtless, I never fell for a specific type. Granted, they always looked/were Chinese, but I suppose we can blame that on genetics (my father is Chinese, and the fact that Mama married him means that I must be twice as likely to be inclined towards those of an Oriental look... naturally...Yutaka Takenouchi and Lee Dong Guk come to mind). But now… I don’t think I have specific wants in a person. Except yes, dia mesti beriman.
When I had read Pride and Prejudice, all those years ago, I was struck by Mr. Bennet’s observation, that his daughter Elizabeth would only be happily married to someone she truly respected, and viewed his opinion as being above that of hers. I thought that that was such a breakthrough, since there are very few guys that I truly look up to (except for my father and my (late) maternal grandfather, Tok Ayah).
Now I’ve realized that if he were of strong faith, I would respect him all the more for it.
And now that I’m almost done ranting, the final three characteristics that we should all strive for:
4. ever in the pursuit for knowledge (because knowledge is half of what builds a person's faith)
5. isn’t all talk and no action i.e. applies his knowledge to his affairs in the real world
6. have the same standards in everything and everyone as I do
Again, I repeat: This is NOT an advertisement, because I do not think I will even consider marriage for many more years. This is just a means of commentary on something that touches a bit of our lives everyday. Is all. InsyaAllah. I accept corrections where and when I am wrong, so feel free to add to this post.
You know you want to. Heheh.
Wallahu’alam bissawab.
Wassalamualaikum.