Wednesday, April 12, 2006
This is what's up.
Assalamu'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
This post may be a bit more incoherent that usual. There may be no proper sentence structure. Hey. I'm in Melbourne Uni. The lack of structure was bound to rub off soon.
I discovered many things today.
All of them I wish to share.
I hope you will listen, even though they centre around me, and quite honestly from what I can see, can't really benefit you.
- I am fitting in. It's weird. I never expected to fit in. I still flutter. I am always jumping from one clique to the next. I am more like myself again, wallallahu'alam whether that's good or bad. But I don't feel secluded and victimised anymore. I feel more comfortable. I have new friends. I am making way with the old ones. Thanks to Verity, Sanya, Jacky, Lora and Carrie who have made me feel more welcome. My wonderful tutors and entertaining lecturers, you have made education enjoyable again.
- I am pretty lousy at time management, and focusing on the task at hand. Which prolly explains my recent spate of... disappointing results. I know, I should prolly stop blogging and get down right to it. I will.
- I miss my family so much. I keep thinking about my old trips home over the weekends. I remember Subang Parade so well. I wish somebody would send me pictures of home. Of Subang Parade. But that would make me envious.
- I have been inhumanely cruel towards a mouse today. I was supposed to dissect it, but I kept apologizing to it. After I had degutted it and laid out its small intestine on the wooden board, I suddenly thought about how I would feel if I had to die and get slaughtered in such a manner. I'd hate for people to play with my paws and make me dance on the wooden board with my guts strewn all over the lab table. I would want dignity after my death. I kept apologizing to him until I chucked him into the biowaste bin. I'm sorry, Dave.
- People are ignorant. They can be bizarrely base. They can have misconceptions. They can be wrong. They can be hard to accept, and yet, they may be right. Some people feel guilt and misread it as oppression. Some people choose to be ignorant and remain in their boxes. Some people are silent and pleasant. Some people are silent and wonder. Some people are silent and befuddled and amused. Guess which silent I am?
- I am 'trying to be a rebel'. It has never occurred to me before. Maybe I have always read it as trying to make a difference in the world. Conforming was a main part of my life also. So I am a living juxtaposition. That's a nice way of calling yourself a hypocrite.
- I am trying to separate want from need from things that won't lead my astray. The line is microscopic and the opinions vary on the spectrum. It's up to me to decide. Choices were never my strong point. Ask my mother.
- I don't like having to make choices. Which leads me to why I miss my parents.
- I miss my parents thinking and deciding for me.
- I like crying from pains of the heart.
- I like being tried and tested, because it is proof to the purpose that, in spite of how others might see it,
Wassalam.
this has been a rant by Syazwina Saw at 9:38 pm
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