Monday, April 17, 2006


Rebel with(out?) a Cause

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

The subject matter of this post is going to be self-centred. It’s mostly self-reflection, and since this blog doesn’t have an existent readership anyway, I guess I’m safe to say what I want about myself.

This has been an interesting week. Here are some of the things that have been said to me recently:

“My mom said you cannot be a rebel all the time… By wanting to react to something, that is the definition of a rebel I think… By wanting to rebel.”

“We have to work from the individual first, before we start building the community. That’s more important.”

“Take care of yourself first. Don’t do anything stupid that would put you at risk. You’re beginning to sound politically-inclined, and that’s dangerous there, right now… Take care of your faith, and don’t mind so much about others’. Remember why you’re there.”

The first comment was from a very thoughtful friend, who I feel has seen me for who I am, really. Thank you for the wake-up call. My roommate thinks I need more of those (she is sick of kicking me awake for fajr – it hurts her leg).

The second comment was paraphrased from many, many people, and all uttered the words quite randomly, as an almost afterthought. Funnily enough, on that very day, they seemed to approach the same conclusion – the re-building of the ummah requires the re-building of the individual first and foremost. Which no matter how you slice it, cannot be more true.

The third comment was from my mother, after I told her about how the socialists keep trying to drag us Muslims into the thick of things. She worries about me, I suppose, and even more so now that I’m 6000 kilometres away from where she can see me. And with due reason, might I add. As she said (I am paraphrasing here, Ma), she can’t lecture me as often anymore. Somehow, I suspect she misses it. My dad prefers to concentrate on how my non-science elective can path my way in business, instead of my leading the frontiers of science. He’s adorable that way. He finds my interest in commerce promising. I just like the fact that I’ve managed to get through tutes without having read the actual text yet (which I know, is wrong, but try reading a chapter every other day, and see how you like it).

The first comment made me stop and question my intentions (in a reflective, zen-like method, only without the ridiculous rock gardens). I think it’s Allah’s way of telling me to stop. Telling me that I need to reflect; muhasabah, and think. Stop and ask myself, “What did I do today?”

What did I do today?

Had I tried to fix a flaw of mine? Did I even attempt to subdue it and not let it show?

Had I tried to live the example of a proper muslimah?

Had I remembered Allah today – in prostration, had I remembered His mercy, and His wrath?

Had I fought through for Him – and only Him – or was there something else motivating me to ‘rebel’?

And the most likely answer to all of the above: “Most probably.”

What are my intentions? How do I want the road to lead me?

And I wonder now… Am I going overboard with the whole self-righteous act of the revolution of the minds? Am I over-thinking things? Am I being overzealous and wanting too much?

The fact that my friend had concluded – from a few chats online – that I was trying my best to rebel, startled me. For one thing, it showed just how well the person understood my words, some of which I still can’t quite comprehend. And for another, well… it reminded me that the road to da’wah is not one taken by a rebel. Rather, it is taken by someone who lives to serve Allah. And thus if my actions could be construed as ‘rebellious’, then something was wrong.

As always, I decided to check with my heart first.

Was my intention all right? Was I positively sure that I wasn’t just taken up with the quiet piety of my seniors (who I have noticed, are probably the most rational, calm people I have ever met in my entire life, and who for the life of them, would not condone the fervour which has been my new ‘fight’ to correct the prejudices surrounding Islam)? Was I positively sure that I wasn’t in it to impress others? Or maybe, impress myself?

Astaghfirullahal ‘Azim.


Which leads to the second comment.

I recently read in this interesting blog, KeretaMayat (link given by ukhti Didie), about how we would only achieve anger and frustration if we tried to da’wah for the sake of correcting others’ mistakes. The author, who goes by the moniker Hamka, said that the right nawaitu (intention) should be for Allah’s sake: Because Allah asks it of us as His servants, that we aim to better ourselves, and help each other.

Which brings me to the third comment.

Mothers are uncanny beings, you know. They say the right thing, at the best possible time, when you least want to hear it. MasyaAllah. Her concerns were well-put. My focus has drifted away from the point. Others’ problems should not be mine – I should not adopt them as my own and mull them over in my head. The world is unfair and I should deal. I should concentrate on me sometimes – I should concentrate on my needs, such as my studies, as well as the ever-continuing issue of my incoherent time management.

And yeah, so this isn’t just all about what goes in my brain: The maulud celebration at the Malaysian Hall in Windsor was interesting, to say the least. There was nasyid by the brothers, and the self-deprecating sock-puppet show. But the most notable one of all was the news of the latest wave of Islamophobia that has recently hit South Australia, with Australian intelligence ‘surveying’ the homes of several Malaysian students. We were given due warning to watch it. We get the message, man.

And yeah. The Malaysian food. And that sole Malaysian baby. I seem to be missing home all the more these days. And it’s only been two months.

The fight goes on. But maybe I’ll stop referring to it, so self-vindictively, as a fight. Because it’s more of a struggle, and you and I both know that this world was made to be one long, uphill-climb. As always, it’s how you get there that matters.

Maybe, before I continue of the next stretch of the trail, I’ll take a step back; take a breather. Take deep breaths of fresh air, and insyaAllah, find a less painful way of getting there. And gain worthy experience in the process.

I don’t really expect you to understand all that I have just said. Nice try, though.

Wassalam.

this has been a rant by Syazwina Saw at 11:08 pm

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